Awake
by Valx3
Summary: Oneshot. 'I wanted to. I needed to. I love you, Lilly, more than anything. It pains me to think about you at times. I can’t help but break down and cry, but I swear to you, Lilly, I will never ever forget you.' Loliver x3


**Awake**

Disclaimer: I own neither Hannah Montana nor the song "Awake" by Secondhand Serenade.

**A/N: So this song does not completely represent this fic. I think it goes pretty well, though. Either way, I hope you enjoy! ;) Feedback's appreciated. Much love, Val.**

**WARNING: This story contains some mature content.**

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_With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,  
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do.  
You're an angel disguised.  
_

I watch the corners of your mouth lift in harmony and curl into a smile. I watch as your eyes dance, illuminating your face. I watch as your golden hair shines brightly, its tendrils sprawled over your bare shoulders.

Your embroidered ivory gown fits you perfectly, hugging at your curves and flowing loosely down your legs. Your make-up is just right, light and natural, exactly how I like it. The necklace I bought you when we were but fifteen rests on your neck; a simple, single, sparkling diamond by its lonesome.

Your face glows as we hear the minister say, "You may now kiss the bride." Two sets of eyes interlock as we turn to each other. Love overwhelms us. We both smile into each other as our lips crash passionately. The crowd of people drowns out of our minds as all we are focused on is each other. I want to stay in this position forever, never letting you go, never letting you out of reach. I want to hold you right here, right here next to me. The reason seems simple, yet to me is unimaginably complex.

You are my true love, Lilly. You are my true love.

_  
And you're lying real still,  
But your heart beat is fast just like mine.  
And the movie's long over,  
That's three that have passed, one more's fine._

Our tongues wrestle each other as I kick the hotel door closed and we fall down onto the plush bed. Your legs straddle me as I run my hand through your luscious hair and our lips never fail to separate. You fiercely unbutton my shirt as I reach for the zipper of your dress, slowly undoing it, savoring the moment. I move my lips to your collarbone, as I lightly nibble on it. You moan, driving me crazy. As I finish discarding your clothes, you lightly suck on my ear, my weak spot, and I feel my head drop down onto the pillow.

We touch each other passionately and unite and it's amazing. Everything I thought it would be. Everything I hoped it would be. Everything I wanted it to be. Everything and more.

_  
Will you stay awake for me?  
I don't wanna miss anything, I don't wanna miss anything_

_I will share the air I breathe, I'll give you my heart on a string,  
I just don't wanna miss anything.  
_

"Oh Ollie babe! Guess what, guess what, guess what!" you yell to me, entering our new apartment. The smile on your face is so big, it's about to explode. You giggle as you latch your hands onto my wrists.

"What? You have a nasty gas pocket?" I joke.

"You know, if I wasn't so happy right now, I might just bite that handsome head o' yours off," you say, the grin still on your face as if it was indelible.

"But then you would never be able to see it again. And being the gentleman I am, I'm not gonna make you suffer that much, babe."

"You know what? You're right. Besides, I would never be able to eat a head thatdamn_ big_!" you say as we both chuckle.

"Okay...now for the long awaited news! Wait...drum roll please," you say as I bang my hands on the granite counter in our kitchen. "Thank you, thank you. Okay. I...you...and me...we're, we're having a baby!"

Initial shock engulfs me at first, but after seconds I wrap my arms around your waist, lifting you in the air and spinning you 'round. We kiss and stay in each other's embrace. I feel like a smile is glued to my face and whenever I think about you and what's to come, the smile subconsciously grows bigger.

_  
I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,  
But I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take,  
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival.  
_

Nine months later, I stand next to you. Our family and friends are out in the waiting room. Our fingers our interlaced and sweat droplets are drizzling down from your forehead. You squeeze me tightly as a contraction comes on. Breathing in and out and in and out, I coach you in my teal hospital uniform and all.

Hours later, the baby has still not come. You're drowsy and you feel weak, your mood constantly changing. But I wouldn't want to be any where else. I'm witnessing a birth. The birth of our child._ Our_ child. Can you believe that? You say your head hurts and I kiss you on the cheek, desperately trying to cheer you up.

You tell me that I wouldn't be happy either if I had a baby the size of a watermelon in my stomach.

After that I couldn't really disagree.

_  
And if it's a hero you want,  
I can save you. Just stay here.  
Your whispers are priceless.  
Your breathe, it is dear. So please stay near.  
_

You are still in labor and I feel as though we're never going to get out of this white-walled, boring hospital. I just want to be home with you already. You and our new child.

Suddenly, the doctor is telling you to push harder and harder and harder.

"Come on, Lil. You're doing great," I say as you severely squeeze my hand. I try to whisper comforting words to you as more sweat drips down your face. I feel terrible seeing you in so much pain, guilty that it's partially my fault, but I know that having this child will make it okay.

I know it will.

I, I thought it would.

_  
Will you stay awake for me?  
I don't wanna miss anything, I don't wanna miss anything  
I will share the air I breathe, I'll give you my heart on a string,  
I just don't wanna miss anything.  
_

Before I even know it, I see the doctor cradling our baby. Our baby that we created. I smile and I can feel tears sting the back of my eyes. I look at you and see that you already have stray tears roaming down your cheeks.

"Congratulations, Mrs. and Mr. Oken. You have just created a little baby girl," the doctor says, grinning as another doctor takes our baby to be cleaned off. I kiss you and wipe away the tears on your blotchy cheeks.

I could see the excitement in your eyes.

I could see the happiness in your eyes.

I could see the unbelievable joy in your eyes.

I could see the love, the radiant love that you were emitting.

But within seconds, it is all swept away. The smile leaks off your face, like ink out of a bottle. A doctor yells,

"She's bleeding!" A loud beep then echoes through the room.

"Quick! She's crashing!" a man yells.

"What? Lilly! No, Lilly!" I shout, not believing my ears. You can't be leaving me, Lilly! You can't, you can't.

_Say my name. I just want to hear you.  
Say my name. So I know it's true.  
You're changing me. You're changing me.  
You showed me how to live.  
So just say. So just say,_

A post-partum hemorrhage, a fucking post-partum hemorrhage; you were taken away from me before I even knew it.

I prayed for you, Lilly. I did. I prayed. I hoped with all of my heart that wouldn't leave me; that you would stay awake, that you would tell me you loved me one more time and me the same. I couldn't though. I couldn't talk to you ever again. I couldn't hold you in my arms. I couldn't kiss you. I couldn't touch you. I couldn't feel you.

I wanted to. I needed to. I love you, Lilly, more than anything. It pains me to think about you at times; I can't help but break down and cry, but I swear to you, Lilly, I will never ever forget you. Never forget all of our memories. From our first kiss and first date, to our first day of kindergarten and our first day of high school, to our wedding and our first time. I'll cherish each of every one of them.

_That you'll stay awake for me.  
I don't wanna miss anything. I don't wanna miss anything.  
I will share the air I breathe, I'll give you my heart on a string,  
I just don't wanna miss anything_

Within time, I can smell your perfume. I can feel your breath tickle my back. I can feel your strawberry lips on mine.

You're still with me of every second of every day.

Even now, as I gaze at my...our daughter. She's four years old now. We're in a park and I watch her as she amazingly resembles you. She whirls around in a patch of flowers, her yellow sundress flying up and around. Her blonde hair is in braids, just like you used to wear your hair when you were her age. She smiles, giggling and I can swear I hear you do the same. It's music to my ears. She runs up to me and asks, her azure eyes wide and wondrous, "Daddy, what kind of fwower is this?"

I inspect the purple and white flower she gently places in my hands and see yellow budding from the middle. I swallow hard as I feel tears threaten to spill over, and say,

"That's a lily, sweetie." She smiles widely at me and I can see you right then and there. You're standing behind her; you're her shadow.

"Oh, right," our daughter says, as if she had known all along. "Well, wiwwies are my favorite fwowers," she says proudly. I pull her into me, embracing her in a hug and she wraps her fragile arms around me to the best of her ability.

"Me too," I whisper smiling, a single tear dropping from my eye onto her uncovered shoulder, "me too."

_I'll give you my heart on a string,  
I just don't wanna miss anything._

**x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x3x**


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